2015 Life

Hey Guys,

Hmmm.. so yay~ It's been awhile since i update my blog. Sorry. *AS IF PEOPLE WILL READ MINE* The horse year has end and the goat year has begun. Quite a rough road for me last year and i really hope this year will be a great year where i spend my last senior year in high school making great memories with my fellow friends.

2015 begun with me celebrating my new year at my friend's house. Not much to describe because what we did was fall asleep. Just have a long talk after being apart for almost 7 month. This is because of our busy life after SPM. My friend Vicky went to Singapore to continue her studies in Engineering and Chris went to Taiwan for his Doctor course. And yeah, i still stuck in Malacca with my Form 6 Business History course. I wish i went for the course as a stewardess in Singapore Airline. Guess i have no luck in it.

Then it comes to my grandmother 1 year death anniversary. It actually was a moody day not only for me but for the whole family memebers. We realize that time has passed so fast in a blink of our eyes. Feels like she still here with us yesterday. Her memories and love still remain fresh with us. There is a words says that;

 * GOD GIVE ME THIS LIFE TO LIVE. WHEN I HAVE LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST, I WILL RETURN TO MY CREATOR * 

Then it all comes to February. My birth month. The most important month of my life. The month where a girl name EDNA ONG was born. This year i can admit that i spend my birthday time well. Surprise from my friend is enough for me. I am glad to have them around to experience this life story.

My birthday is simply but deep inside the simply moment many love and care been create. Thanks a lot to those who sincerely gave me those cute panda and spend their time to make this as a surprise. Appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

Guess this end my nonsense essay of my story of beginning of the 2015 year. Still long way to go and many more stories to experience, learn, feel and even get through. Just remember in everyone's life, there is an upside down moment where we can't predict when it gonna happen. All we can do is prepare our self so that we are strong enough to get through it.

Christmas Love

   Hey guys, I just wanna wish Merry Christmas to everyone around the world who celebrate Christmas. 

   Hope this Christmas bring you guys joyful and happy moment. 

December

Last month for My miserable life in 2014

2014 is a year where mostly people face a really terrible hurt. 

I really wish this year could end faster. Many pain i have suffer throughout the 11 month. I thought i will have a better ending but i guess the pain get deeper. I feel empty. All i love this whole time gone with the time. Everything remain as memories.

I begin my 2014 with a broken heart. My grandmother passed away in the beginning of the Horse year. I felt a terrible lost. I never felt this much pain before. Losing someone who are close to your heart, the one who in your memory since you are born. Nothing can really explain my feeling. 

This miserable life continue when i have to face two-face people at my working place. It really open my eyes about many kind of attitude in outside world. People who good in your eyes is actually stabbing you slowly at your back. What i can do that time was just walk away because i know i'm not strong enough to face it.

I got to continue my studies in Form 6. I was scared because i know the environment will be way more different than high school. I afraid that i'm not ready to make new memories with new friend. Nothing in life went well indeed. Even just a few days i entered, haters start to talk shit and gossip about me. I question myself what have i done wrong. But I haven't get the answer until today. 

Then it all came to this last month. Where i get to know what cause my relationship to break into pieces. I really can't believe that a friend that i once trusted, are the one who cause my relationship to break down. Being a spy and telling shit to people. "Is this call friend? I guess you just defame our friendship." 

Only God really knows what i felt now. Maybe i have done things wrong. All i can say is sorry. 2014 teach me to be strong in a hard situation where i will never once imagine i will be in. It also teach me not to trust anyone but yourself. But in this tough road that You tested me God, You met me with some friends who actually stick by my side in this rough time. I never complain about this challenge You gave me. I just hope 2015, You can make it a little easy for me to get through. I just miss my smile and my happy attitude.

"Don't trust your friends, Trust your close friend but trust yourself more than anything."

5 Things I Would Like To Tell To Guys Out There.

1) Drop your EGO!!!!
      
To be in relationship with a girl you need understand that girl always right even she is wrong. Even you both having an argument, let her win. If you think she is wrong then slowly explain to her when both side calm down. Please guys, doesn't mean you gave up in the fight you are coward. NO! I think it way more gentlemen. For God Sake, it doesn't make you dignity fall apart. DUUUHHH!! 

2) Be more understanding

Sorry to say that 77% guys actually don't understand their girlfriend. Dude! You guys should be the one who understand the most about their feelings, needs and etc. What kind of boyfriend are you if you don't?? Girls love when guys really understand her because she doesn't need to tell you what she feel and want every time. So boys, observe and understand them with your heart.

3) Treat her more than your friend

SERIOUSLY?? Nowadays girl have this problem. *ME TOO* Guys treat their friend more than their own girlfriend. Gosh! Then better don't have a girlfriend. Girls are not a toy for you to play. They are human too. So please if you decided to have a girlfriend than treat them like one. Put them above your friends and obviously protect her from your friends judgement. 

4) Calls and message

HHHMMM!!! This is common sense lo dude. You have a girlfriend of course your free time will be given to her. Even your busy time. Look, if you had an argument on phone, don't ever off the phone first. Let them do it. And if still the problem haven't settle keep calling so that it shows you care about her. Not calling back in an argument is a wrong and bad decision to make. It will only make the girl even mad. Seriously. Show them that you care about them by calling back, message back and of course a singe word SORRY can fix everything. Guys nowadays less use that words. 

5) Respect them

Everyone have their own privacy. Therefore we need to respect it. Girls nowadays don't like their boyfriend too control them such as what they do in school, who they mix with, who they chat, who is that person in the photo and etc. You are his boyfriend not her dad. Even a dad don't do that. Trust your girlfriend. give them their privacy. You can't change someone who you just enter their life. If you respect theirs, they will respect yours too. 

So here you go my 5 things i would like to say to guys out there specially to my "EX BOYFRIEND". Our life would be easy if you just think before you do or say something. So yay, dude! Get a life.....

My Love Story

My Bad Times

Well where do i start with this. It was my previous relationship that i suffer the most. My heart really hurt and that hurt can be feel till now. what do you expect from 1 year half relationship? Having a great moment? Having a beautiful life? Having a understanding partner? Well that is not me.

Throughout the 1 year half relationship i suffered, Cried a lot, break down and mostly been hurt the most. I really thought it will be a happy relationship where i can comfortably be in but it all just a dream. What i can say was that relationship sucks. I cried my tears out everyday before i go to bed. 

I felt like a was just a toy to him. Take me when ever he want, throw me when he has his friend. If we decide to go somewhere, for me if i didn't go it doesn't matter but if his friend didn't, no matter what he will convince them to go. 

I tried to fix it by pretending nothing happen but this continue to hurt me. i feel so stupid cried and suffer all this kind of things. I still young and i deserve a better guy to be with me. But i don't know why i still hanging around and carried the past and hoping someday it will change. All that it gave me was tears and broken heart.

The year is coming to end.

SEM 1 COMING TO THE END 

Exam for my sem 1 is around the corner. Honestly i'm not 100% prepare. I think not even 50%. Just 49% for the first paper. Hope my result is satisfied. After my exam i gonna freaking enjoy my life. So soon everything finish men.

Great to have my beloved god brother here to support me for my coming exam. I know i freaking irritating keep asking you to come back but i need you at my side to face this. I Love YOU BRO!!! XD

I gonna fight this war really hard. And i hope i will win it. I gonna chase my dream. I know next year i'm going to leave my country and continue my journey in people's country so i gonna do my best. Nothing going to stop me from being and getting the best for my future. 

Questions

I keep asking myself the same question nowadays..
I can't really find the right answer for that simple question.
What keep me from getting the answer? 
Did i really understand my own feeling?
What makes me stay waiting for all this time? 
How long can i be like this?
I can't do it anymore and i know it,
But what stop me from giving up this feeling?
So many question to be answer.
I wish you could solve it by coming in my world.
So hard for me to figure out by my own.
You gave hope but in the same time you leave it without telling me the truth.
You really crazily in love with what you doing right now,
I know. But you can't leave a puzzle without any clue.
I really don't know what should i feel and think now or even what is the right decision should i make. 
All i know is i have to take one step back for your and my own life. 
You with your career and me with my studies.

What A Joke !

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS !!!

What i do in my life is freaking none of your business! Get a life! The problem is you take all our money and teacher ask you to return it back and what the hell you telling teacher i want to quit my studies? Who the hell are you? My parents? If really i want to quit my studies i don't need you to tell teacher. You have no rights to tell my story to others. Can you do something good instead of doing things that make people hate yourself?! Is it so hard to mind your own business? Damn men! 

Thank You Sunday

How i wish everything could end faster....

I am struggling by my own, hoping to get away and escape from this miserable love life. If i could turn back the time, if i could redo this whole memory that i had this few years. 

It hurt me deeply in the heart. No words or action could explain it. 

" Dear God if you did listen my prayers, please let this all end. Let me have at least a better life from what i have now. I don't mean in finance, all i need is my smile and my happiness back."

" I really do thank to you God for placing few angels beside me. They have guide and be there for me in getting through this journey. Even just a few of them but i appreciate it a lot. They will always remain as my best friend and my daddy. I love you guys deeply. "

Tomorrow gonna be a new day for me. It's depends on me how i gonna create story line this time. Thank you for everything God. Thank you~ :')

Sorry For The Late Update~

EVERYTHING HAS CHANGE

In between this whole time of my disappearance, many things had happen. Some broke me into tears and some create smile on my face but together it bring me new life. I have learn a lot from this. I never regret. In this age i have to focus on my future. To create a better life for me and also my future family. No matter how hard i fall now, i will and should stand up and never gave up. 

One thing for sure telling him the truth about my feeling is the thing that i have never done in this life. Afraid that i will stumble after getting to know the answer but i didn't. I am so glad and thankful that you are not like the other guy who will walk away. I hope we still gonna be close as last time.

I don't know who will be in my life one day but at least i can try my best in finding it. If someone is meant to be together they will no matter what happen but if they don't, we should accept the reality and move on with life. There is always a brighter place that you can go. Smile and be strong.

But one thing for sure i never regret this feeling towards you. Only God knows how my feeling been touched by your appearance.

*MUSIC: TIME FORGETS BY YIRUMA*

Someday~

I hope this tears will stop running someday

Someday after this darkness clear up

I hope the warm sunshine dries these tears

When I feel that I’m getting tired of looking me exhausted,

I want to give all my dreams I’ve kept hard

Every time I feel that I’m lacking in many things more than I have

I lost strength in my legs and drop down

I hope this tears will stop running someday

Someday after this darkness clear up

I hope the warm sunshine dries these tears

Everyday I hold out comforting myself “it’ll be alright”

But it makes me afraid little by little

I tell myself to believe in myself, but I don’t

Now I don’t know how longer I can hold out

But wait it’ll come

Although the night is long, the sun comes up

Someday my painful heart will get well

I hope it helps me now.

I hope the God will help me

I don’t have enough confidence more and more to overcome myself

I hope this tears will stop running someday

Someday after this darkness clear up

I hope the warm sunshine dries these tears

But wait it’ll come

Although the night is long, the sun comes up

Someday my painful heart will get well

Someday… Someday…

Dinner

PREFECT FAREWELL DINNER

A day where all prefect gather as one for a celebration. It was a great farewell indeed. My friend and i successfully perform our crazy performance. Really nervous but me did it. Even though the water game been canceled at the last minute but the most important thing is everybody enjoy the night. Had a blast and glad to join the board. 

AGE QUAD AGIS!

Saying Goodbye

Nowadays facing to many problems.
This all make me feel dumb for not understanding the situation.
I really wanted to stay strong but i need to gave up to be even stronger.
Let haters talk, judge. 
I"m done with all of this.
To many tears in this year and i'm tired.
Let me take a rest and step away from all of this.
Not going to care anymore.
This time, let me take good care of my feelings.
I really think about saying goodbye to my Facebook and Wechat.
I want to forget what happen and especially what i feel.
Gonna put them behind and move on.
No more taking them with me.

Time To Say Goodbye

To My Beloved Kai Gor Gor (Lim Zi Wei),

                   

             Tomorrow you gonna return to Australia with appa for work. I really wish you could stay here much longer. I really need you as my ear, to listen all my worries, my sadness and also my happiness. I know we both have little time to spend together like last time. I really do hope you can be by my side when i needed someone to hear my problems. I hope i can tell you my problem right now but i can't. I don't want you to worry about me. I promise to you that i will be strong facing this obstacles and never cry for it even i really feel like crying right now. Even i am only your godsister, you still showered me with all your love as a brother and never leave me alone in hard time. I know if i tell you my problem that i'm facing now i'm sure your heart will be very heavy to leave. This time let me face it by myself. No matter how hard i fall this time, i promise you i will get up, smile and be strong again. I promise that. We both know that there are many goodbye between us but we still end up meet again no matter what happen. The reason i wrote this because i want to thank you Lim Zi wei for all your love, guide, advice and time you gave to me. This time i will never cry like i always did when you gonna leave. Take care my lovely godbrother. We will meet soon~~~

WELCOME HOME~

<3 APPA, HIONG <3

Welcome back to my godfather and to my annoying godbrother. After 5 months never met my appa, i feel like crying just now meet him. Hug him and don't want to let go. Really happy you came back appa. And to my fat, annoying, sampat bro, i also miss you. Even you always bully me, i know you care about me the most. You take care me like your real sister. Thanks a lot for all the love you gave. I can say that once you get marry, i will definitely feel sad because i know you will not have time to treat my childish wish. But i still happy too~ One day i will meet someone who will love and take care of me like the way you did. 

I KNOW~

"NOW I KNOW WHAT IS THIS SILENT MEAN"

When the days goes by, truth came to me without realize that my heart getting hurt. I would like to take a rest from all the pain, but i know i can't. This is life and i just a human being who have to accept this reality. No matter how much i will cry i still have to stand up and be strong. God, lend me your strength to get through this hard time so that i can forget this hurtful feeling and move on. How i wish i could be just like You. Many question running in my head now, i know i should tell them out but i scared something would never be the same as now after i told those unimportant things. So i decided to keep it as a secret and never tell anyone. But now, i feel the pain. I started to question myself 

 "WHY I CAN'T HAVE SOMETHING THAT I LOVE FOR SO LONG".

I can't even answer this question. My brain and heart have different conclusion. I been confused by myself. Hope this all could stop even for a moment. Just to give me some space to breath and be strong again. Life will never stop. I know. But i have limited strength now. 

Feelings of a Person

No matter what i feel is not important.

What i feel and wish for this whole time, will remain as a secret forever. 

Afraid that when you know the truth, we will never be like we use to be now. 

Some people may think this is a stupid decision to make, but if you really like a person all you wanna to see is them to be happy no matter who they will be. 

So no matter much my friend said i'm stupid of fooling my own feeling, i know that i'm doing the right things and will never regret about it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MALAYSIA

HAPPY 57 BIRTHDAY MALAYSIA !

"We may be different in many ways and we may not know each other name but we still together as a Malaysian"

~PROUD TO BE A MALAYSIAN~

This is.....

" You'll have bad time, but it'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to "

I always spend my time with me. Sitting alone, and think all the memories i have. That is me. You all may think that my life is kinda boring but for sure i can say no one can be like me. Being by yourself need a strong strength of feeling. I have get through a lot of tough time and i know there is still some challenge that i will have to get through. My parents teach me a lot to be independent. I really thank them a lot. Without those teaching, i think i will never get through the hard time until now. People always say i was kinda annoying and evil. I never say no to that statement because yes i'm evil and annoying. But one thing i can tell them, they will remember every single thing i did and know the truth behind the evil and annoying attitude of mine. Life is not pleasing people. Life is about being who you are and never scared of what people may judge you. That is the true meaning. Less people understand that. All i can say is i will only be who i am, not who someone want me to be. I don't care if the judge me but i listen to every single comment and words they say because those words one day will make me success in this life.

THE RETURN OF MH17

MH17 bodies arrive in Malaysia

Nation goes into mourning as first remains are brought home of 43 Malaysians who died when plane was shot down.

A plane carrying the first remains of the 43 Malaysians killed in the MH17 disaster has returned home to a sombre reception on a national day of mourning.

The special Malaysia Airlines flight from Amsterdam touched down shortly before 10am local time bearing the remains of 20 people killed when the plane was shot out of the sky over eastern Ukraine.

Malaysia’s King Abdul Halim Mu’adzam Shah, the prime minister, Najib Razak, and other top officials received the coffins at Kuala Lumpur international airport.

The government asked the nation of 28 million people to observe a minute of silence and prayer, while flags nationwide were lowered to half-mast.

Authorities had earlier asked citizens of the Muslim-majority country to refrain from festive activities and don black out of respect for the victims. Commuters streaming into the bustling streets of the capital Kuala Lumpur earlier in the morning were overwhelmingly black-clad, while state television aired recitations from the Qur’an and showed photos of the victims.

The flight arrived from Amsterdam, where remains have been taken for identification by Dutch authorities, who are leading investigations into the disaster.

All 298 on board the Amsterdam-Kuala Lumpur flight were killed, including 193 Dutch nationals.

The national day of mourning was the first ever to be held by Malaysia for ordinary citizens. Such observances had previously been held on the deaths of some kings and other leaders.

Russian-backed separatists have been accused of shooting down MH17, but Moscow blames Ukraine.

The 43 Malaysian dead include 15 Malaysia Airlines crew members.

The tragedy compounded the country’s grief over the troubling and still-unexplained disappearance of Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 four months earlier.

Malaysia said 30 of its citizens on board MH17 had been identified and further remains would return in the coming days.

The search for further remains was called off earlier in August due to clashes between Kiev and the pro-Moscow rebels.